


"I'd make sure the light defeated the dark"  -  You are the reason

by jdjd08



Category: Glee
Genre: M/M, Mild Language, Post-Break Up, References to Depression, Sexual Content
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-06
Updated: 2021-02-14
Packaged: 2021-03-18 13:14:07
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 8
Words: 20,005
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29244138
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jdjd08/pseuds/jdjd08
Summary: Set in November 2017 and  2014;   Kurt is thinking back to the split with Blaine at beginning of season 6.   references to the split scene in Season 6:1 Loser like Me.  Too much happened, and Kurt didn't go back to Ohio.Reference to Calum Scott's You are the Reason .     Part 1 of ? (possibly 6)
Relationships: Blaine Anderson/Kurt Hummel
Comments: 11
Kudos: 24
Collections: KlaineCCValentines2021





	1. You are the reason

2 November 2017 New York City

Another hellish day begins, dawning damp and dismal in dreary dark New York. Kurt Hummel checked the temperature on his iPhone – five degrees centigrade. He bundled himself up in his heavy Alexander McQueen blue overcoat, as he ran for the subway at Brooklyn. Since graduating from NYADA in the summer of 2015, he had dabbled in various plays on the stage, not quite making it to the dizzy heights of Broadway yet, but nevertheless, obtaining some work as minor characters in a number of productions. He had chosen to supplement his income in a variety of ways. Three days a week he assisted Isabelle at Vogue as a junior designer: a career he was definitely cut out for, but not quite fulfilling his ambitious streak. The other two days, he worked in a book store just off Madison Avenue. His elderly boss rarely made a trip to the store on a Thursday, so today he would be alone. It was a job that he didn’t particularly enjoy as it could be tediously dull, particularly as in these cold winter months there was very little footfall, as most tourists hadn’t returned to the city. So as he rushed for the train, he was not convinced today would be any more remarkable than any other. Well perhaps, he’d have a quick coffee and settle down to read one of the many books he’d started but not got round to finishing. He got off at his usual stop at Penn Station. At this stop, he braved the throng, bundled himself towards the escalator and stood in his dreamlike trance as he ascended to the exit.

It was then he saw him. Sure as day. Two other people separated him on the escalator, but two steps ahead he could see the back of a black curly haired man, handsome: Kurt could see his side profile, his smile. He was wearing dark blue skinny jeans, red laced shoes, and a heavy navy and red overcoat. A Marc Jacobs vintage coat, Kurt could tell at a glance. Very nice indeed. The man held the arm of another man in front of him, talking softly and jokingly into his ear, the two men wrapped up in each other’s conversation. At the top of the escalator, in the foyer of the station, the two men stopped, hugged each other, and smiled. “Bye, David, see you at the weekend,” “Sure, Blaine see you then!”, as he planted a kiss on the black haired man’s cheek. 

They say you never forget your first love, or more accurately, you never get over your first love. 

Kurt’s eyes widened and blinked. Then all of a sudden, Blaine turned and stopped in the foyer, searching through his pocket. His eyes met Kurt’s. A brief second of recognition washed over Blaine’s face, and he smiled slowly. A reserved, closed mouth smile, his full lips barely lifting at each end. It was his eyes, that Kurt noticed first. Behind a thick black rimmed pair of glasses, Blaine’s hazel eyes showed a sparkle that Kurt hadn’t seen in years, but held a look that could cause his whole body to dip, and seem like it was on some rollercoaster ride, back at the King’s Island Fairground in Ohio.

“Oh, um, ah, Blaine?” the sounds fell out of Kurt’s mouth, his cheeks reddening as he felt flushed and heat of adrenalin rushed throughout his body, feeling like he’d been punched in his stomach, and he was laid bare for all to see. 

“Kurt, hi.” Blaine spoke quietly, in that soft gentle voice that Kurt had once loved so well.

Meanwhile passengers passed them, rushing to their destinations, irritable at the two men standing in their way.

“How are you? Do you want to…? I mean we’re in the way here… come over here out of the way.” Kurt gestured. 

Blaine continued to have a weak smile on his face. He followed Kurt to the side, as they went to stand at the side of the noticeboard. Kurt took a step up onto the stairs that exited the station to avoid the crowd, continuing to look down at Blaine, standing below.

“I didn’t really expect to see you… ever… I mean…” Kurt stammered. God, Blaine looked fabulous. His black curls fell down over his dark rimmed glasses, as his eyes stared intently at Kurt. He had stubble on his face, and looked so much more mature than he remembered the handsome young man to be. 

“No, that’s true, 8.5 million people in New York, I didn’t think I’d bump into you. I’m actually in New York just for a few months now, helping out at a Broadway show,” Blaine smiled up at Kurt, fiddling with the strap on his bag slung over his shoulder, checking his watch. 

“Oh last I heard… I mean… Tina... Rachel… they talk about you when they are together… I pick up snippets of what they say…..” God this was awkward, seriously awkward. What do you say to the man that you had given your all to, and received it all in return, but immaturity and stupidity had changed everything?

“Yes…Tina used to tell me about you on occasions. Not always… just sometimes…” Kurt’s awkwardness had clearly extended to Blaine. 

“Listen, it’s great to see you, but I need to get to work….” Kurt stumbled on his words, not really knowing what to do, not really capable of doing anything. 

“Sure, I’ll let you go. It’s been, um, nice to, um, see you again. You look as handsome as ever.” Blaine’s eyes flickered slowly over Kurt’s face and torso. 

“Yes, likewise.”

And then, Blaine turned and walked away, striding towards the barrier to the other train line. Kurt stood transfixed, legs like lead, heart pumping, head spinning, his dry throat gasping… In an instant, Blaine turned back and waved. He held his hand to his ear, thumb pointing upwards, tiny finger downwards. “Call me,” he mouthed. Kurt could only just bring himself to nod. 

He took a breath, closed his eyes, then turned and walked out into the biting cold New York air. As he exited the station, a small glimmer of light seemed to break through the dark grey rainclouds, and Kurt thought he could see a small rainbow descend through the clouds. 

12 pm. Kurt sat at his small desk in the book store. He had kept himself busy that morning with rearranging some of the shelves and the magazines. Sales were generally slow these days as everyone chose the internet to get their daily reads, but his boss was old –fashioned and wanted to maintain an old style store for people to come in and browse and enjoy. Kurt sat with the radio on, a recent song playing by a British singer. 

There goes my heart beating  
'Cause you are the reason  
I'm losing my sleep  
Please come back now  
There goes my mind racing  
And you are the reason  
That I'm still breathing  
I'm hopeless now

I'd climb every mountain  
And swim every ocean  
Just to be with you  
And fix what I've broken

Oh, 'cause I need you to see  
That you are the reason  
There goes my hands shaking  
And you are the reason  
My heart keeps bleeding  
I need you now

And if I could turn back the clock  
I'd make sure the light defeated the dark  
I'd spend every hour, of every day  
Keeping you safe….

Suddenly out of nowhere, a tear tricked down Kurt’s face, as he sat in a stupor, arms folded across himself, legs pulled up on the chair, hugging himself close. Oh god, oh god, he felt like he was going to be sick. He rushed to the back of the shop, to the small bathroom there and sat down on the small chair placed outside the lavatory. He put his head in his hands. He gathered his thoughts, and managed to curb the nausea washing over him. Too many memories flooded his mind.

It had been over six years since he last saw Blaine Anderson. It had been at their school friends Brittany and Santana’s wedding in Indiana in November 2014. 

That had occurred six months after… after… that awful, cold, dismal, wet night in New York. When the rain had poured down, and Kurt had trudged home through the deluge which the rain floods had created, alone. The Deluge that was how he had come to remember that period of his life. Three days before, he had sat in his loft apartment, aged 20 years old, with his fiancé Blaine, as Blaine talked excitedly about colour swatches, and suits, and venues, deep in preparation for his wedding to Kurt, which they had planned for sometime before the end of 2014. Kurt had closed his eyes, a swishing sound running through his head, as he blocked out Blaine’s animated chat, and clenched his fists together. Everything was just so fucking difficult to handle…. Nyada, grief about Finn, uncertain future, Blaine. All too fucking much to handle. He breathed deeply. “Blaine, if you don’t mind, I’ve got a headache, I really need to just sleep it off”. He stood up and went into their bedroom, Blaine’s downtrodden gaze watching him as he went behind the old privacy curtains that separated the bedroom from the small living room and kitchen area. For the next few days, Blaine had been very quiet. Kurt too, as he rushed to class, and to his job at the diner, and Vogue, where he was helping Isabelle, and to rehearsals with Elliott. On the Thursday, Blaine had texted him and suggested dinner at the French bistro, just opened within walking distance of their apartment. “I’ll see you at 7pm, babe, I have a few things to sort”. Kurt sighed. “ok” he just about managed to text back.

So he sat in the bistro, waiting, waiting, and Blaine had turned up, late, like an excited puppy, talking about some venue that could fit their wedding in in early September. Kurt had had a crap day, some days were just like that at present. He was in a foul mood. He just wanted to go home, have a bath and fall asleep. Tonight, like most nights recently, he really had no patience for Blaine and his incessant babble. Then the unthinkable had happened. A deluge of words had come out of his mouth, before Kurt could stop them. He sat there, in a mood, telling the love of his life that he didn’t want to marry him, and that he wanted to call time on their relationship. And Blaine had sat there, beautiful, loving, sensitive Blaine, and he was just in pieces. “I will never forgive you for this” were Blaine’s last words, as he stood up and stormed out of the bistro, into the dark night, the sky becoming blacker by the second, as the rain continued to pour down without remission. 

At some point over that weekend, Blaine had returned to the apartment, and taken the majority of his things. Kurt had called him and texted him, but there were no responses. He got a text from Artie on the Saturday. “Blaine is with me. He’s not in a good way. He says please leave him for now. I don’t know what you’ve done, Kurt, I’m not going to judge and I’m not going to take sides. I hope you have thought it all through.” 

But he hadn’t. He’d acted in his usual Kurt Hummel way and backed into a corner, and lashed out like a caged animal, in the worst possible way. He had a mountain of problems that he hadn’t sought to address, and he had struck out at the one person who had given him the courage to be himself, who had loved him, and held his hand, and kissed him and wanted him… He really had no idea how to stop the dark and deluge that was coming.….

“Don't wanna hide no more  
I don't wanna cry no more  
Come back I need you to hold me  
Be a little closer now  
Just a little closer now  
Come a little closer  
I need you to hold me tonight”.


	2. Always

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> So, this is chapter 2 of story started yesterday. Today's chapter is based on Paul McCartney's Always.  
> Kurt and Blaine had split in Spring of 2014, Kurt did not return to Lima to reconcile with Blaine, staying in New York. This story is set in 2017, when a chance meeting on the subway puts them in contact again. The first few chapters will be a bit angsty, blangsty, so hope you bear with it.

2 November 2017 1PM New York, off Madison Avenue

Kurt sat back at his table in the Madison Ave book store, trying to eat his sandwich. He really ought to turn that damn radio off. “And now a song of Paul McCartney’s”, the cheery voiced radio DJ announced. Oh hell, Blaine loved the Beatles, Paul McCartney. Please let this not be hard.

“Everything went wrong  
And the whole day long  
I'd feel so blue  
For the longest while  
I forgot to smile  
Then I met you”

No, shit, that radio’s going out the window. 

His mind continued to drag him back, to those days over three years ago. His mind spun from the memory of that sodden night in April 2014.

Six months on, he saw Blaine at Santana and Brittany’s wedding. In the meantime, they had exchanged a few emails. Blaine had dropped out of Nyada in the spring, he’d returned to Ohio, he was coaching the Warblers, he was in therapy, things had been extremely tough for him, as he battled depression, but he was clawing his way back up. He wanted Kurt to know he’d started seeing Dave Karofsky, (of all fucking people, Kurt glowered). The news had hit Kurt like a ton of bricks, he felt betrayed and cheated. He fired off an admonishing email – what the hell are you doing, who do you damn well think you are, have you no respect for me? The email had come back: “Don’t you even try to judge me, I was rock bottom, I had no one, my parents weren’t here, my friends were in other cities, my fiancé dumped me like some unwanted animal. I needed someone to just treat me like a human being again”. 

By this point, Kurt really just had had enough, and could do without seeing Blaine again, like ever. A few weeks later, Kurt had done something he never thought he’d do, he had sex with his best friend, Elliott. That had led to a brief fling, before Elliott had decided to go touring in Europe with his band, with a flippant farewell to Kurt. “It’s been fun, fly to Paris sometime and we’ll pick up again...” Santana had been there to hold his hand and pick up the pieces, give him some tough love, and tell him he had really bolloxed up big time. Brittany had come to stay also, and Tina briefly. Tina learnt about the fling, and as expected, Blaine quickly found out. Not surprisingly, Blaine had emailed Kurt and hadn’t held back: “ I knew all along there had been feelings there. My suspicions were justified, the two of you lied to me, I felt like shit for calling you both out, but secretly you were harbouring feelings for him.” It wasn’t true, he wrote back to Blaine. He hadn’t had those feelings for Elliott when with Blaine, he had truly loved only Blaine, the fling meant nothing, it was a mistake, and a dozen other clichés. The tone of the exchange was harsh and vitriol. In the end, they agreed no communication was for the best. Within a matter of months, Kurt knew he’d made the worst decision of his life. He started therapy himself, and how to deal with his ghosts.

November 2014 came round, and they had seen each other at Santana and Brittany’s wedding, as they changed into their groomsmen’s outfits. Their other mutual friends were there: Mike, Puck, Mr Schue, Sam, Artie: all able to provide the necessary barrier between the two former lovers, who could still barely look at each other, never mind exchange any polite conversation with each other.

Blaine left early, after the speeches, not caring to stay for the music entertainment, and an evening of love songs and serenades. Tina had taken his hand and walked out of the barn with him, Kurt watching from a distance. This is crazy, he thought, and followed them in the direction of Blaine’s car, hoping to maybe exchange some civil words with the man that he had loved dearly, and whom had promised never to say goodbye to, and to always love, on many occasions. He had stopped dead though, the stench of the distant farm overpowering, bile filling his mouth, as he saw Blaine hesitate in front, place his arms around Tina, and break down into convulsive crying. Rachel had followed Kurt out into the night. “I think he’s best left alone Kurt” she said softly. “I think it’s best you don’t try to talk to him for both your sakes.” Kurt had agreed, devastated about the impact the whole mess had meant for Blaine, and for his own life.  
The next few years went past in a blur. Kurt had graduated from NYADA, and started to work at Vogue whilst he auditioned for coveted roles. Men had come and gone, nothing serious, often just a few dates here and there, as Kurt struggled to commit to anyone. He’d heard that Blaine had applied to university in Los Angeles, and had moved to live with Cooper, and was enjoying life on the minor circuit of stardom, as he wrote songs for others and had minor roles in musicals and in film work. There had been little chance for their lives to cross: their circle of friends has dispersed throughout the USA., reunions never really occurred. They never exchanged emails or texts, what little they did know about each other was through their best friends: Tina about Blaine, Rachel about Kurt. 

So it had come as a complete shock to Kurt, three years on, on this escalator in New York to hear the laughter and voice of the man he always jokingly, but regretfully referred to, like some bad Katy Perry song, “the one who got away”.

7pm Brooklyn apartment

Kurt had trudged home once more. He had given the loft apartment up soon after Blaine’s departure in 2014, choosing not to stay and stare at the same walls, that once had resonated with laughter and love. He had left behind the old piano Blaine had bought on his visit with Sam to NY still stood in the corner, rarely used now. Some of Blaine’s belongings had sat in a crate: full of brightly coloured polo shirts, and a handful of even more exuberant bow ties. Kurt had taken the crate to his new apartment, a rented room in Tribeca. He had every intention to maybe return that crate someday in person to Blaine. On that particular evening, he opened the top of the crate, and taken out a photo album. 

The album was full of pictures of Kurt – looking gorgeous in a variety of outfits, hair coiffed, various poses, smiles, happy times. The main picture was the McKinley election picture Brittany had taken. There were pictures of that insane, but mesmerising day at Dalton Academy, Kurt in green and purple, Blaine in yellow, looking just like a ray of sunshine. A lovely one of the three of them with Burt, New York Christmas 2012. Kurt sat on his bed and flicked through it. He had opened his bottom drawer, and lifted out a small blue box. He opened it and saw the silver ring, the one that he had proudly worn for just over a year. He poured himself a glass of wine, and pondered. Then he made another impulsive decision. He lifted his phone, searched his contact list, found the number, with the name, and puppy dog emoji beside it, and pressed dial.

“Hey you,” the familiar voice on the other end said.

“Hi!”

“I wasn’t sure you would call.”

“I wasn’t sure that I would.”

“It’s been quite a few years”

“It has.”

“So how have you been?”

Kurt took a breath, closed his eyes, listened to the voice on the other end of the line, and then his words came in a deluge, without stopping as he talked and talked and talked. 

After about twenty minutes, Kurt stopped, and listened “Are you still there Blaine?”

“Yes”, was the soft reply, as Blaine choked the words out. “It’s really great to hear your voice” 

“Sorry, I’m kind of babbling. I mean I just wanted to tell you what I was doing, and where I am, and I guess I just got a bit caught up in me, and forgot that you were there on the other end of the line.”

“It’s alright, “ Blaine replied sweetly. “ After all I recall many similar nights when you’d just talk, and I’d just listen, and enjoy all you had to say. How at Dalton, everyone thought it was me that was the worldly wise one, and holding it all together, and helping you, when really you were always the strong one, and the sensible one, and at times I was just this needy mess. And I guess I just got worse and worse and more dependant on you”

“Oh Blaine… we don’t have to talk about this…”

“ No sorry, I know, it’s just been a surprise to see you and hear your voice again”.

“I know, likewise. Do you fancy meeting me, for a coffee, I mean, if you aren’t too busy. For a chat really.”

“I’d like that. When?”

“I’m free this weekend? How about Saturday or Sunday afternoon?”

“Yes, actually Sunday would tie in well with my other plans for the weekend, so where and when?”

They organised a time and place. They then parted ways on the phone. Kurt rested his head on his pillow. A kind of serenity washed over him - how good it will be to see him again.

“I will understand  
Always, always  
Days may not be fair, always  
That's when I'll be there, always  
Not for just an hour  
Not for just a day  
Not for just a year  
But always  
Dreams will all come true..”


	3. Grow as we go

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> So, Kurt and Blaine split Spring 2014, and Kurt never returned to Lima, but stayed in New York. Three years on, they have a chance meeting. Can they somehow patch up the old animosity and hurt? This chapter features the lyrics of Ben Platt's "Grow as we go".   
> Sorry, a lot of Blangst in this one.

10 pm 2 November 2017 Apartment in Upper East Side, New York 

Blaine sat in the small studio apartment that he had rented for his four-month stay in New York. He looked around at his stuff, not fully unpacked. One crate caught his eye: he’d cleared it from his old Ohio bedroom a few months back. His childhood home was for sale now, his mum moving on, after her divorce from his dad. Good for her, Blaine thought, she’d spent so many years with a man that had never appreciated her, or Blaine for that matter. Blaine stood up, to look inside the crate for a small gift which his mum had given him. At the top was a number of photo albums, one of which caught Blaine’s eye. It had a hand made cover: pressed yellow and red roses, a tiny glittered unicorn and bow tie in each corner, and the calligraphy which read simply: “To B, Love K, Us”.

He hesitantly opened it and flicked through the pages: sure enough, there were the Dalton Academy pictures, of the two teenage boys, smiling and clowning around for the camera. In one, Blaine held a ukulele, Kurt sat looking up at Blaine: must have been Wes who took that one. There were some photos of Kurt and Blaine smiling at Kurt’s prom; one of them sharing a kiss; and a wonderful shot taken with Blaine dressed as Tony and Kurt as Officer Krupke, as they just gazed at each other, caught up in each other. 

A wave of loneliness and the old feeling of inadequacy surged. He reached for his phone. Two missed calls from David, the guy with him that morning. Blaine sighed. He pressed a number.

“Hey, Tay Tay”

“Blainey Days”

“Slightly later than normal, but I could do with a chat, girlfriend “

Blaine explained to Tina about the day’s events.

“Oh Blainey, I just don’t know. You were such a mess when he broke it all off, you were at your lowest. There were times I just cried for you, and all you had been through, do you really want to do this, and drag yourself through it all again?”

“You know, the trouble is, Tay Tay, that Kurt and I never really cleared the air. We never really had that one big conversation, or fight and laid our souls completely on the line. I have so much I want to say to him – good and bad. I have so much to get out there, and vent, and cry, and kick and scream, and then I just feel I can let it go. I’ll feel much better when I really tell him what I think, and make him hear me out.”

“I’m just not sure that’s right for either of you.”

“Well fuck it, Tay, what have I going for me, really? I’m not taking career wise, which is coming along nicely. But you know I’ve never loved anyone since, never been able to hold down a relationship with anyone, I have had issues with any guy I try to be with, maybe I’m still half in love with him, I don’t know. Until I put this ghost to rest, I can’t see myself ever being truly happy. Or at least I’ll know. I’ll know if I think I can make any long term commitment again.”

Tina sighed. “I just love you Blainey days. With all my heart. You’re such a great person, you have so much love and compassion to give, you help everyone you can, you drop everything to come running to me and other friends who need you, you light up a room with your singing, and piano playing and entertaining. You are a goddamn special guy, and he put you through hell and I don’t want to see you hurt again.”

“I appreciate that Tay, I do. It’s one cup of coffee, it’s one chance to talk to him and tell him. That’s all, nothing more.”

“Blaine. Please guard your heart. Please don’t be so open to him this time. And remember, I’m only three and a half hours away at Brown, I can come see you anytime.

Thank you Tay, I’ll bear it in mind. Now what have you been doing today…”

Sunday morning, 5 November 2017

Blaine sat playing his guitar, alone in his apartment. A friend had sent some material that a friend of his had been working on. The particular writer was Ben Platt, renowned Broadway star and singer songwriter, also proud to be gay: quite a hero in Blaine’s eyes. He was flattered to have been asked to listen to some of his pre-recorded stuff. One song in particular had caught his attention, and he found himself playing it over and over. It was hitting him hard, song lyrics often meant so much. Something he had struggled to cope with over the last few years. He found his mind drifting to Kurt, as it so often did. 

“You say there's so much you don't know  
You need to go and find yourself  
You say you'd rather be alone  
'Cause you think you won't find it tied to someone else   
Ooh, who said it's true  
That the growing only happens on your own?  
They don't know me and you   
I don't think you have to leave  
If to change is what you need  
You can change right next to me  
When you're high, I'll take the lows  
You can ebb and I can flow  
And we'll take it slow  
And grow as we go  
Grow as we go” 

Normally Blaine would be fighting the tears at this point. Today, though he was actually going to see Kurt, for coffee. A wave of so many different emotions surged. 

Blaine dressed carefully. Navy skinny jeans, red check shirt, navy jumper. No bow tie – no not today. Keep it simple in navy. Or black? Definitely red. Hair styled perfectly – too frizzy? Just the right amount of stubble. Black rimmed glasses. Black coat, red scarf. Yes, I can still look great, if I try to. Handsome? Cute? Sexy? Steady, Blaine. 

Across the city, Kurt was also dressing. Red jeans to show off his long legs, red and navy shirt. Black boots. Red and grey scarf. Hippo brooch on his navy coat. Handsome? Adorable? Sexy? Mmmmm, Kurt.

Kurt arrived at the coffee shop about 1.50pm, 10 minutes early. He bought a bottle of water whilst he waited, and scrolled through his phone. 2.10pm, no sign of Blaine. Hmmm….Late, as ever… Then he received a call. 

“Kurt, sorry. I can’t. I can’t meet you.” 

“What? Why has something happened?” 

“No. It’s just. I’m struggling a bit.”

“Where are you, have you hurt yourself?”

“ No, I’m outside looking at you through the window, I have been for ten minutes. I’m just not sure I can come in.”

“Why ever not, please Blaine, don’t go.” 

“You just look fabulous and hot, and well, I’m not sure I can do this.”

“Do what? One cup of coffee?”

“You know it’s not that. I don’t know, I have so much to say, and I’m just not sure I can even speak nor that I want to listen either.”

“Please Blaine, don’t go, don’t hang up. I really want to see you… to talk to you. There’s so much to tell you. I know we finished on really bad terms, and I want a chance to put it behind me, us and just move on. There’s stuff we need to forgive, and park, and maybe it’ll help us to move on as people. My therapist explained this. I really need to talk to you. Come inside. If you don’t, I’ll come out there.”

Blaine stumbled and groaned. A moment later, Kurt was in front of him, a flash of red and blue color in front of his eyes. He wore no coat, and the rain was coming down steadily now.   
“Come on inside, it’s bloody freezing…”

“Well, we have to, or you’ll catch a chill!”

Kurt has chosen seating in a back room, away from other customers. Blaine set his coat down, and approached the counter, “do you want the usual coffee?” he asked Kurt? Their eyes met and both smiled weakly. 

“Yes please.”

Once they had their drinks and started chatting, they realised that they could actually talk quite freely, about a handful of things. They talked about Burt and Carole, Blaine’s parents, the house move, catching up on gossip about their old friends. They joked throughout, and the atmosphere became more relaxed.

Kurt sat back, aware there was the elephant in the room, and wondered how to address it. He began slowly:

“I’m sorry, Blaine”.

“Oh what, do you have to go?”

“No Blaine, I’m sorry.”

Blaine looked at the table. 

“I’m sorry too, Kurt”

Kurt stuttered on his words; “I feel like there’s so much I need to say to you, and I don’t know where to begin.”

“Well then, shall I begin with what I have to say?”

Kurt raised his eyes, and stared steadily into the beautiful hazel eyes opposite. “ Sure. Shall I brace myself?”

Blaine ignored him. “Ok, so let’s go right back. Not to us at Dalton, or McKinley, but after. Everything was pretty great until you went to New York initially. You knew my concerns, you knew I wasn’t going to handle separation well, but it was something I had to do for you: I couldn’t be the one to hold you back from following your dream, and achieving all you were so capable of. And I couldn’t handle the separation, the loneliness, the void. My therapist explained it’s a long standing issue with me, from my childhood, issues with mum and dad, Cooper…the attack after Sadie Hawkins, being gay and just being more sensitive than straight men are. So when you were seemly off with a new life, and not wanting me, I looked for comfort in one person who offered friendship. But it led me down a very black hole, and it wasn’t friendship he wanted, but by the time I came to my senses, it was too late. You know all this, I’ve told you it all so many times, and begged forgiveness, and seemingly you gave me that forgiveness.”

Blaine faltered: “But you never really, did you? And then when we got back together, I thought being married to you would mean you never left again, I’d always be yours, you’d me mine, and we wouldn’t need anything else. We’d live in our own perfect little apartment, with perfect little lives, and adopt perfect little babies. So I rushed it all, the engagement, the needing to be with you 24/7, I needed the reassurance that you still loved me, wanted me, cared for me. And I was rushing towards the wedding, which I thought you’d want: a magical dream day. But I pushed you away. My dependency pushed you away. And you started to hate me.”

Kurt started, an alarmed look on his face: “God no, Blaine, never. I never hated you. I still don’t. I loved you so much. If we’re talking about the initial separation, I accept my part in that. You were alone, I wasn’t answering your calls, and didn’t have time for you. I accept I should never have done that to you, and I broke my promises to you. But, I felt I had forgiven you. We gradually got the magic back, after I learnt to trust you again. We got engaged, that was special, I was on top of the world, I had my Prince Charming. Then you came to New York, and we had a great few months, but then things changed. I changed, and I didn’t know what to do. There was so much going on: the grief over Finn, struggling at NYADA, being gay bashed, the bitchy people at NYADA, no real friends, Rachel being Drama Queen supreme, and you with your issues. I couldn’t handle it all, and I hated myself for it, but I wasn’t going to be that young boy being thrown into dumpsters. And you were closest to me, so you bore the brunt of it. I never wanted you to go, but I needed my space, my alone time. And when Rachel left, and it was just us, we were still so young, trying to deal with adult problems, and arguing over who drank all the milk, or toothpaste on towels, or I don’t know… what color suit I should wear on my wedding day. Instead of dealing with it, and seeing a therapist, I lashed out at you. We had that one really nasty row in the bistro that night, and suddenly, you were gone.” Kurt stopped for breath. He looked up at Blaine, both men with tears in their eyes. 

Blaine hesitated: “Yes, I was gone, how could you expect me to stay, after you’d said what you did? After we separated, I got really depressed, as you probably know, and cut chucked out of NYADA for non-attendance, and not doing my assignments. Carmen Tibideaux was totally unsympathetic. I had no choice, I had to go to Lima. I moved in with mum again, and I had to go to therapy. Some days, I couldn’t get out of bed. I hated myself, I had no self worth. I mean, who could possibly love me, you didn’t. The one guy who I’d showed my inner self to.”

“So then I met Dave again. It wasn’t ideal, I didn’t love him, I don’t think I was even that attracted to him, but he was there. He’d hit rock bottom at high school, and he’d made it out. He talked to me, and understood me, and was there as a friend. We tried to make it as a couple, but I wasn’t there yet, I struggled sexually for months. So I had to move on, and I applied to uni in Los Angeles, to be the furthest from New York as possible. And I got your emails, and you called me out on seeing Dave, and I was so angry and upset, and just retaliated back, because you couldn’t possibly understand. Tina told me about you and Elliott, and I cried and cried. I hadn’t cried so much in months. I saw you at the wedding, I couldn’t talk to you. I needed change. So I broke it off with Dave, left for LA, started to enjoy life again, dated some men, slept with some men, tried to get my confidence back. And I found myself in a good place again.”

Kurt sat taking it all in, listening intently, not really knowing what to say or ask. He broke the silence. 

“So the guy from the other day, who kissed you on the cheek?”

“Oh that’s David, yes another David. We met in LA. We have been a casual thing for a few months now. He’s been working in New Jersey, and will travel up some weekends. He’s actually in my apartment now. He knows I need to do this today, and he’s cool with that. Are you seeing anyone?” 

Kurt sipped his coffee, and stumbled on his words. “No, no, I’m not. Though I have been on some dating sites, and have met a few really nice guys, but I just can’t.”

“Can’t what? Have meaningless sex?” Blaine smiled an ironic smile. 

“It’s not that, not really. I struggle with commitment. My therapist has explained it as an intimacy issue – that I push away the people I love the most.”

“ Well, our therapists are doing well from us, aren’t they” Blaine tried to joke.

“They certainly are.”

At this point, the barista approached them. “Really sorry guys, we have to close up”. It had gone 5pm, and they’d been chatting there about three hours.

Kurt was surprised how quickly the time had flown. “Look Blaine, we’ve been here ages, and we haven’t even discussed half the stuff I need to say to you. I really would appreciate if we could have another coffee sometime? I also need to take in what you’ve said, and really respond properly to you.”

“Well I’m free Thursday afternoon,” Blaine replied, genuinely thrilled, but also reserved.

“Why don’t you come see me in the book store, it’ll just be the two of us?”

They agreed. 

Blaine smiled and stood up. Turning to leave, he touched Kurt on the arm, and drawing him in, placed a small kiss on his cheek. His mind was drawn back to this morning’s song.

“I don't think you have to leave  
If to change is what you need  
You can change right next to me  
When you're high, I'll take the lows  
You can ebb and I can flow  
And we'll take it slow  
And grow as we go  
Grow as we go”


	4. HOW SWEET IT IS TO BE LOVED BY YOU

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> So Blaine and Kurt have started talking again, and find they've plenty to discuss about their past relationship.

Thursday 9 November 2017

A brighter day dawned in New York: outside the weather was breezy, but fresh, and the rain had cleared. Kurt sat in the book store, humming a tune in his head, pretending to do some shelf filling and stock taking, but really reading the next chapter of his novel. How could he settle though? Blaine was coming this afternoon. Kurt had woken up early, spent extra time in the shower and felt invigorated for the day ahead: he followed his usual morning routine, shaving, cologne (a little extra today), moisturiser, hair immaculately presented: no longer the high coif from student days, but a flatter more mature look. He was dressed in his black jeans, Alexander McQueen black shirt with razor patterns, (giving an edgy, but guarded vibe). He had dug out his white Doc Marten boots – Blaine had always commented favorably on those. Well, Blaine had always commented favourably on everything Kurt wore: he had always loved Kurt’s individuality and quirkiness. 

He awaited Blaine’s arrival. Just before 2pm, the door opened, with the old bell making a clanging sound, warning someone was entering. Kurt looked up and caught his breath, pulled back in time by the young man standing at the door. Blaine entered: cute and compact as ever. He wore his navy coat, with a bright blue scarf: in fact the one Kurt had bought him one previous Christmas. He wore his mustard colored pants, matched with black boots. The curly hair was swept loose, over his rimmed glasses, and the right amount of stubble on his face. He carried a small bouquet of red and yellow roses.

“Well hello, handsome”, Kurt brazenly flirted. 

“Hello, Kurt. You look fabulous.” He lent in, and placed a peck on Kurt’s cheek. Blaine had always been so much more tactile than Kurt. “These are for you…” extending his hand.  
“Oh these are lovely, what lovely colors”, and smiled mischievously at the face looking at him. He smelt the roses in deeply as the smell reminded him of a warm summer day. Kurt stood up, and pulled Blaine in again, and reciprocated with a peck on the cheek. He moved towards the small back store to start making the coffees, and look for something to place the flowers in.  
Meanwhile, Blaine sat on the old musty green chair alongside Kurt’s desk.

“Wow, this place is something retro,” Blaine laughed. “It’s a heaven of books. I can see you sitting here reading, doing some tasks and flirting with any customer who comes in.”

“Flirting?” Kurt raised an eyebrow. “Only sometimes, with visitors, yes, but not customers!” Kurt brought through the coffee, and two cronuts on a plate. 

“Cronuts, oh my god, it’s been years…” Blaine tailed off, remembering. “These things are dangerous. What are you reading?” 

“Brideshead Revisited” – I read it years ago, but thought I needed to really concentrate on it. It’s a wonderful book, even if a bit old fashioned now. Of course, it’s the old debate, were they gay, were they lovers or just platonic? I like to think they were lovers, and the new tv show seems to suggest it. They might even kiss in the tv show. Really? Though there’s no mention in the book of kisses, blow jobs, or any sex, though.”

“Oh, I’m surprised you’re reading it then, ” Blaine smirked.

“And do you still read all the Star Wars fanfiction?” 

“Oh yes, of course. You can’t beat a bit of fanfiction. Sometimes the writers just make the characters or the plots better than the actual film.” 

Kurt raised an eyebrow once more. “You just like the smutty ones.”

“Not true!” Blaine pretended to look affronted. “Sam sends them to me anyway. He’s still a bit uncomfortable with reading any sexy bits, especially any gay sex! Anyway, what do you like about Brideshead – is it because the protagonist is called Sebastian?”

Kurt nearly spilt his coffee down his designer shirt. “Oh my God, you are joking.”

“Of course, I am. Old Sebastian Smythe, arch nemesis”

“I hated that guy. I still do. I still get the desire to get my own back somehow, some time”

“Yes, you never could stand him, or even the mention of his name. He was alright, just a creep. He turned out alright in the end.”

“He wanted into your pants constantly. I never liked the thought of losing you to him.”

“And pray, tell me, when was that ever likely?”

“It was my biggest fear at McKinley.”

“Really, and why would I ever have favoured him over you? You were the most exquisite, lovely, sexy, unique man, and you still are.”

Kurt caught his breath. “Well, thank you”. They lifted their eyes to meet each other’s, both holding the others for a few seconds delay. Kurt felt a shot of electricity surge through his body. The hairs on the back of his neck prickled. Was he reading this wrong? Is Blaine merely flirting, or is there something still there? It took a few minutes before he removed his eyes from Blaine’s, and moved in his chair. Blaine could always read him like a book.

“Whatever happened to Sebastian?” 

“Last, I heard he studying law at Yale or wherever, to join his dad’s law firm. Nepotism was always strong in the Smythe family. Criminal chipmunks...taking over this country.”  
Mmm. They sat chatting about old friends and acquaintances, and what each had been doing in the three years apart. Then Blaine sat silently, as Kurt served an older couple who had come in to browse. The song from the radio became obvious. 

“God this is an oldie, mid 70’s, I think. James Taylor, one of America’s great singer songwriters.” Blaine said cheerily, when Kurt turned back to him.  
“How sweet it is to be loved by you. How sweet it is to be loved by you.”

Kurt looked at him in amazement. He was always astounded at the depth of Blaine’s music knowledge. 

Suddenly Blaine jumped from his chair. “Come on Kurt, dance with me.” He grabbed Kurt into his arms, and swayed the two of them in time to the music. Kurt could hardly breathe. The touch of Blaine’s warm hands through his shirt, the musky smell of his cologne, the soft curls brushing his cheek. He knew all the words, and sung them into Kurt’s ear:

“You were better for me than I was for myself,  
for me, there's you and there ain't nobody else,  
I want to stop and thank you baby. I just want to stop and thank you baby, yes I do,  
how sweet it is to be loved by you. How sweet it is to be loved by you.  
Feels so fine, how sweet it is to be loved by you.  
Just like jelly baby, oh yeah, how sweet it is to be loved by you.  
Just like honey to the bee, babe, how sweet it is to be loved by you.”

“Oh Blaine… Stop teasing…”

Blaine stepped back, face a little red, slightly amused, but a little flustered look on his face. The silence returned.

He eventually spoke: “Well I hate to break up the fun, but there are some things I came to discuss, you know to clear the air, and put the bad times behind us.”

Kurt considered the choice of phrase. Put the bad times behind us – and what then? 

“So you mentioned yesterday all the issues you were having after we got engaged. Were you happy to be engaged to me? Have you come to turns with all the issues that were troubling you?”  
“Well therapy has helped a lot. I talked about my mum an Finn’s deaths, all the pressures of Ohio and being gay, and Nyada and all the issues arising from it. And you of course.

“What about me? “

“Well how I struggled to help you with all your issues, and coping in New York, and how I feel I let you down, and the broken engagement, which I felt was all down to me. Why I behaved like I did – the pushing away, the arguing.”

“The obvious thing I have to ask you, that still hurts so much, is the Elliott situation. “

“I knew I’d have to deal with this one. What can I say? I swear to you from the bottom of my heart that when we were together, I never regarded Elliott as any more than a friend. I was devoted to you, Blaine – no other guy could compare. You were the most special, sexiest, funny and loving man anyone could want. I didn’t want him, I only wanted you in my bed with me. But then we split, and about four months later, I was upset, really low, no self-esteem, I like literally had dropped a bomb on my life losing you. I was also sexually frustrated. I got drunk with Elliott, and one thing led to another. He was drunk as well. Afterwards, I cried, I was devastated. He comforted meand told me that it would be fine. So we hooked up again, on a few more occasions: it wasn’t anything more than a three week fling. Neither of us wanted a relationship, and he said, don’t worry we’ll laugh about it in a few months’ time. But I didn’t think that way, so I said I couldn’t see him again, and then he left for Paris. I didn’t even care that much – I was more upset I’d lost a good friend. Then, you found out, and I was devastated again. I knew what you’d think, but I didn’t act maturely, I responded to your email by acting aggressively, and pushing you away further. I really just want you to know that we weren’t doing anything behind your back, and that neither of us lied to you about not having feelings for each other. I hope you can believe me.”

“I’m not going to deny that I didn’t struggle with it all, Kurt. There was the time of the selfie, and then you always talked about him, you talked about our relationship to him. Probably more than you talked to me about it.”

“Well you had Sam, you talked to him about us. You had a crush on him, for god’s sake. “ Kurt stood up, agitated, and moved about the aisle of the book store.

“Yes but not while we were together, and Sam was always straight, it was a ridiculous idea of mine, again to compensate for you not being there, and us being apart. Elliott was different, hot, confident, mature - everything I wasn’t. “ 

That’s bollox and you know it. You knew I loved you, desired you. You are so gorgeous yourself, Blaine. And some days you just didn’t seem to see that. And your talent, and your big heart, and…”

Kurt broke off. He walked further down the aisle of the book store.

“Also, regarding the cheating, I did let it go. I struggled at first, that awful first year in New York. I didn’t really tell anyone what I was thinking. I was worried about Dad. I missed you so much, and was still so in love with you, but you hurt me.”

He turned back to Blaine “But therapy has helped. It’s helped me understand. What we were missing most was actually talking about our feelings to each other, and communicating properly. He let himself touch Blaine on his shoulder. Blaine sighed, and touched Kurt’s hand with his own. 

Blaine squeezed his hand: “ It’s all a bit overwhelming for me now, Kurt. Thank you for all you’ve said. And I want to apologise for my part in it all. For the cheating, for the neediness, I’ll never regret loving you and the happiness it brought me. I just can’t work out where that leaves us now - do we have a way back from this though. Will we ever be together again, or should we just keep it platonic. Because, my head is telling me something, and my heart another. It was truly great for those few years as teenagers, but could we ever get that back?

“Listen, Blaine, there’s more things I want to say to you. I love you, I have always loved you. I have never loved anyone else. I’m sorry for the hurt I’ve ever caused you, for what I put you through. And you know, I rarely say sorry or admit I’m wrong because I’m too proud to do so. But it’s been great seeing you again. And I hope it eases the burden, and we can move on. You know I made a rash decision calling off our relationship. I’ve regretted it every day since. Can’t we at least try and be friends, I know it’s an old cliché, but while you’re here in New York, it would be so great to meet up for coffee and maybe walks and sightseeing or whatever. Go back to the bucket list we made, and visit some of the places we wanted to see. Our relationship was always based on friendship: we had that first. 

Blaine hesitated, but then thought. “Well when I’m not rehearsing or working, I could really do with some company, especially if David is not here." So he agreed.

Kurt, trying not to let his face react, but nevertheless bounced on the balls of his feet, trying not to show his absolute delight. “Right, I’ll start planning our outings tonight. We are going to have such fun together again, Blaine Anderson.”

Blaine turned to go: “I would suggest dinner, but I still have a uni assignment to write up. The work doesn’t stop, just because I’m on placement. Perhaps we can do it at the weekend? Kurt agreed readily. Leaning towards each other gently, expecting a peck on the cheek, they allowed their lips to touch briefly. Both pulled back hurriedly. They stared each other in the eye. Then softly, Blaine walked to the door. “Bye, see you Saturday evening,” 

At home that evening, Blaine turned to his piano. He sat and played to himself, as he often did when alone in the evenings, in the calm of his apartment. His therapist said music was the best way for him to deal with many of his issues. He smiled to himself. He’d spoken to her during the week, and told her about seeing Kurt. She had advised that she didn’t see any harm in rekindling the friendship, and maybe healing old wounds, but warned to proceed with caution and not to be swept away in the moment. He turned his hands to the keyboard, and began to play James Taylor’s song from memory. From there, he wandered to his bed, and thought about the day. He allowed his hands to wander, and for the first time in a long time, he let himself think of Kurt as he pressed himself onto the bed and into the mattress, imagining Kurt’s husky voice in his ear, the touch of his gentle, but firm hands, the smell of his cinnamon skin, his mouth kissing over every inch of his skin. For the first time in years, Blaine experienced a blissful release.

Kurt sat on fire escape of his apartment, looking at the lights of New York in the distance. Of course it was cold, but he took out his coat and a rug as he looked over the rooftops,, towards the river, the steady flow of traffic, and noise of sirens constantly below him and in the distance. He allowed himself to relax and smile. He hadn’t even started to say what he needed to. At least he had Blaine back in his life, for now, and they were talking. He lay down on his bed and thought of Blaine, of his gorgeous amber skin, the darkness in his hazel eyes, his mouth open smiling, welcoming, the soft echoes through his head as he heard his name: Kurt, Kurt, Kurt. He felt the tightness between his legs, and the pull of his stomach. For the first time in years, he gave into a feeling of euphoria.


	5. My guy?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kurt and Blaine have arranged to spend the day together as both remain uncertain what their feelings mean for their relationship long term. The song "My Guy" by Mary Wells is used.

Saturday 11 November 2017 New York

That Friday had been like any other regular Friday in the bookstore, except today, Kurt really had only one thing on his mind. He remained confused. It was barely only eight days since he had quite by chance encountered Blaine again on the subway in New York. But he couldn’t stop thinking about him. His mind went over all they had discussed and said to each other, all the apologies and the explanations for the hurt. He really felt they had made significant progress with becoming friends again. Did he want to get back with Blaine? Well he hadn’t really thought about that in for several years. He had just rather let it sit in the back of his mind, and just decide that the reality was it was never going to be. He spoke to his therapist during the week. She advised that there was no harm in patching up the relationship, it would make it easier to let go, especially when Blaine returned to LA in February. Kurt could see what she said made perfect sense, he could leave his life with Blaine behind him, albeit they’d still be great friends, but it would be a new beginning, a step forward to his future. Maybe he could look forward to finding someone new, and marriage and family with them. Because deep down in his heart, Kurt knew he wanted marriage and children. He wanted the right man to come home to, to spend his time with, someone with the same hopes, fears, desires. Kurt sighed. The voice in his head, the one that didn’t speak to his therapist, was saying you know you’ve found that person, Kurt, but at present there’s quite a few barriers to cross.

He had drawn up a list of things to do in New York, off the beaten track mostly, as Blaine and he had covered most of the touristy things together, or with friends and family when they visited. They’d been to the High Line, the Statute of Liberty, Times Square, the shops in Lexington Avenue, Madison Avenue, Maceys, and all the main tourist places. So he was determined to draw up another list that could keep them occupied and interested, probably every weekend until February, if Blaine wanted to see him all that time. He drew up alternatives – there were the other boroughs other than Manhattan and Brooklyn to consider: Queens’ for example, where Paul Simon had grown up, he could take Blaine and show him one of his hero’s childhood homes, if that wasn’t too weird to hang round the former home of a celebrity. They could extend their tours out to Long Island, to where Billy Joel had spent a lot of his life; and Long Beach. Heck, if Blaine was around next summer, they could go out to the Hamptons, and drive the Montauk highway and feel like rich happy New Yorkers. Maybe though, Kurt Elizabeth Hummel, you are getting carried away in this fantasy. In addition, maybe you are letting your desire to be with Blaine let your imagination run away? Nevertheless, he was hot still, so gorgeously sexy and Kurt wanted to just jump on him, when the time was right. However, the time really had to be right, and they weren’t there yet. 

They had talked on Friday evening, and changed the plan that they would meet on Saturday afternoon, as Blaine had no other plans. No other plans? Kurt asked in his attempt at an innocent voice. No, no other plans, Blaine had confirmed. Did that mean… what about the other guy in the subway ..David?

They met about 2 pm. Blaine arranged to come to Kurt’s apartment, a two bedroomed apartment in Brooklyn, across the river from Manhattan Island. It was a third floor apartment: Blaine recognised some of the old items from the loft apartment, although Kurt had clearly upgraded the sofa and chair. The couch and chair were a cream leather, with cream throws, and brown and crimson pillows on top. There were various retro lamp stands adorning the floor, as well as potted plants throughout the apartment. Underneath the retro 1960’s coffee table was a Moroccan style patterned rug in black, gold and red colors. It was a comfortable home. Artwork adorned the walls, and the rest of Kurt’s personal belongings were ordered neatly on a retro bookcase in the corner. Photographs of Burt and Carol with Finn, Kurt and Rachel, and even one of them all winning nationals in Blaine’s junior year. The apartment even had walls and doors, Blaine smirked ironically to himself.

Kurt lived alone at present. After her disaster in LA, Rachel had returned to New York in December 2014, shortly after Santana and Brittany’s wedding. She was valuable company for him. It had been a really bad period of Kurt’s life, and Rachel’s constant drama and chatter had filled a void. She had rekindled her romance with Jesse, and the two became inseparable (or was it insufferable, Kurt couldn’t decide.). Rachel had moved in with Jesse in 2016, Kurt remained in the apartment alone, and although money was often tight, he preferred the space and privacy. Like walking around the apartment stark naked at 3am, or enjoy a more pleasurable shower. 

Blaine had arrived, in green pants, black bomber jacket, underneath which was a navy and white shirt, and navy and white v necked jumper, with brown scuffed shoes. The whole outfit extenuated his tiny waist, compared to his broad shoulders, and his muscular calves. He wore his glasses, as he did so often now, and his black curly hair was loose, falling over his eyes. Kurt in comparison wore black jeans, with brown built, and navy and green check shirt, with navy cardigan. His long legs were evident, as was his strong shoulders and biceps. Their eyes floated over each other, taking each other in complementing each other with the look in their eyes: After all, they had communicated their appreciation of each other’s appearance and body that in so many ways before. 

They headed out, Kurt grabbing his navy coat, grey scarf complete with scissor brooch. His plans were for them to walk around Brooklyn, visiting the murals of local artwork. All the time, they talked about common interests: latest films, or tv programs, music, theatre, as well as what they had been doing in the last three years regarding their careers, people they had met, any future plans. 

They drifted along the streets to the Metroflea Market, which sold all types of oddities and vintage goods. They had talked about visiting this many times, but had never had the chance. Kurt was particularly drawn to the vintage jewellery, and the furniture, asking Blaine’s opinion on everything he looked at, whether it would suit him or his home. Blaine found the records and music stalls, and was happy to spend a good hour browsing through those, with Kurt looking on and sharing his interest. They both bought some treasures that had taken their interest: Kurt had bought a new rug for his bedroom floor, and Blaine had bought a number of music scores and records. They stopped for coffee at one of the local vendors, and continued chatting amiably and just relaxing with each other. As the afternoon drew on, they were immersed in each other’s company, and really didn’t want to part. Kurt suggested that they went for dinner at a local restaurant, and Blaine agreed without hesitation. 

They went to the local Italian restaurant: the food was excellent – Blaine had the lasagne, and Kurt has the pasta Carbone, and they shared a bottle of wine. Afterwards, Kurt insisted that they shared a slice of cheesecake. They carried on chatting. 

So as dinner drew to a close, Blaine cleared his throat, set down his napkin, and looked at Kurt. 

“Kurt Hummel, I have a proposal for you.”

Kurt giggled, he was intrigued. “Like some grandiose, no hold bars proposal, or just a small quiet one.”

“Well your answer has to be yes, whether it’s one or the other.”

Kurt crooked his eyebrows, amused. “So every year, just before Thanksgiving, the Warblers have a reunion. It’s a black tie event, I missed last year’s, but promised the guys that I’d go this year. It’ll be fun: Wes is going, David, Trent, Thad, Jeff, Nick, so many others. It’s next Friday, 17th November. Why don’t you come too? You were once a Warbler, and you know the saying….”

“Yes, once a Warbler always a Warbler.” Kurt groaned. “Though I consider myself a quasi Warbler, and not so fully fledged like you.

“Nonsense! We had a duet together at regionals.” 

“And Pavarotti died in my care.”

“Yes well, the birds die in everyone’s care. That was Pavarotti mark 5 or something, they weren’t all descended from each other. Wes made that crap up.” 

“Blaine Warbler… you are a disgrace… you never ever told me that!”

“How could I? Didn’t I tell you that you moved me, when you cried over his death and sang a song? I wasn’t going to spoil that moment for either of us.” 

Kurt laughed heartily. “You are the funniest, sweetest most adorable dork I’ve ever met.”

“So that is a yes to coming to Warbler evening? There is one catch: it turns into a free for all sing along. It’s best to go with some songs prepared. I have been getting myself ready for this for months. I have a handful of songs that I can perform if requested.” 

“As always…”

“So… I was thinking… how about us preparing a duet.”

Kurt swallowed, inwardly chuckling himself, his mind spinning back to things their friends would have said “flirty duets” “legendary chemistry”. He let his mind snap back to the present: “Ok, so what are the choices?”

“Well there are a few. How about I skype you tomorrow and we can go through them then. After all, we will need to practice.”

Kurt took a gulp of his diet coke, and nearly spat it over the table. “Of course we will.”

“So Wes has recruited me into his group, and the song is already planned. You’re welcome to join with us, I can arrange it so you have a large solo: it’s sung by a woman anyway. You know the one, Mary Wells, “My Guy”. Blaine started singing softly:

“There's nothing you could say  
To tear me away from my guy  
There's nothing you could do  
'Cause I'm stuck like glue to my guy  
I'm stickin' to my guy like a stamp to a letter  
Like the birds of a feather  
We stick together  
I'm telling you from the start  
I can't be torn apart from my guy”

He stopped. He looked for Kurt’s reaction, then grinned, slightly embarrassed.

“Wonderful” Kurt clapped. “We may even have sung that to each other going along in the car.”

Blaine continued smiling, undoubtedly they had, and Kurt remembered.

They’d finished dinner around 9pm. Blaine insisted on paying. Kurt decided a perfect way to finish the day off was to walk to the Brooklyn Bridge. It had been such a busy day, he was tired and needed to be up early, as he had promised Isabelle to come into work to meet a deadline. He suggested to Blaine that the perfect way to finish off the evening was to stroll to Brooklyn Bridge, which was only about 20 minutes’ walk away, and admire the scenery from there. From, there it was a short tram ride to Kurt’s apartment, and he could easily get home from there. The lights on top of the bridge, with the Manhattan skyline behind it was a beautiful sight to enjoy. The lights reflected off the river, and brought a sense of serenity, even in the middle of this busy city. It was a colder night, they stood close together, but not touching. Kurt joked: “Well this is lovely, one might call it romantic.”

Blaine agreed. “One might. So we’re on for doing something like this next week again?”

“I am if you are. It’s been wonderful Blaine, I’m not going to lie. I really am happy that we can be good friends again. I’m so thankful that you’ve come back into my life, Blaine. I really am.”  
“I’m glad too. I didn’t really appreciate how much I really missed you.”

“It’s been such a relief, after all being good friends with an ex is a great way to be.”

Blaine smiled, dropping his head to the floor, and pursing his lips together. Kurt knew that look, he’d seen it many times before, when they were apart during Kurt’s first new year in the loft. 

“What?” Kurt looked indignant, his face scowling. 

“I’m glad too. Platonic… friends… so glad.”

“Blaine?” Kurt looked imploringly into Blaine’s eyes, trying to read his thoughts. He didn’t have to, he knew what the smaller man was thinking.

Blaine raised his hazel eyes to Kurt’s green eyes. “I’m happy to be back enjoying your company again Kurt.” Suddenly, Blaine locked his hazel eyes on Kurt’s bluish green eyes, took a step forward and upwards, up so that their lips met and placed his lips on Kurt’s lips. He places his warm hands on Kurt’s waist, drawing him in. Kurt’s gloved hands met Blaine’s waist, holding onto him for support. Blaine opened his mouth wider, and continued to kiss Kurt’s lips: Kurt in total shock didn’t have time to react, as Blaine pulled away. Before Kurt had a chance to say anything, Blaine had turned. ”I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have done that, I just… look Kurt sorry, I have to go. ‘l'll call tomorrow. Thanks for a truly wonderful day.” And before Kurt had the chance to react, Blaine had turned on his heel, and hurried off down the street.

Kurt stood, mind racing, mouth gaping. He stared after Blaine. What did It all mean? That kiss… it was just dazzling. The sensations it had caused in his body, he felt the awakening rush of blood throughout - he knew in that moment that he wanted Blaine, he wanted more than a hurried kiss. 

He caught the subway home, ran up to his apartment, and through himself on the couch. He was completely dazed. One thing was certain though, he knew without a doubt he was still in love with Blaine. But how did Blaine feel about him? After all, he had rushed off. Shit! Why do these things always happen to him? He really needed to speak to Blaine, but all he got was voicemail. He longed to be with him now, holding him, letting him kiss him everywhere, letting him touch him and most of all letting him inside him again. If Blaine would only answer the goddamn phone, he'd go over there now. Oh fucking hell, the phone just kept going to voicemail. He'd have to wait until morning to resolve this. He buried his head in the couch pillows and wept.


	6. Your Love is a Song

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> So after kissing Kurt and walking away, both Blaine and Kurt try to work out what they want. Then an evening with some old acquaintances: good and bad. Plenty of angst, blangst. References to sex and some swearing.

Sunday 12 November 2017

Blaine woke up, and instantly felt dreadful. It wasn’t a hangover – he hadn’t really been drinking. No, it was a worse feeling in the pit of his stomach. He always knew he was a complete idiot, how he could fuck up any given situation so easily by his stupidity or unobservant nature. He felt bad – he’d kissed Kurt and then he just couldn’t stay, a hundred emotions raced through his head, and he had walked off. Deep down, he knew he was kidding himself if he thought that the relationship with Kurt could be platonic. Blaine needed and desired Kurt in a way that made his whole body feel on fire, like tiny little fuses were being set off if he touched any part of it, or knocked against something with an arm or a leg. He needed to do something to satiate the feeling in his groin, in his stomach, in his cock. Sure, there had been no shortage of men willing to have sex with him, but no other man would ever mean as much to him as Kurt Hummel did. It hadn’t been just the physical act of sex with Kurt, which was in itself mind blowingly wonderful, but also the deep emotional attachment. Emotions always ran deep for Blaine: he was sensitive, caring, needful and expressive. No other guy had ever bonded with his soul like Kurt had, and he didn’t expect anyone would. Kurt was a gorgeous, ethereal, magnificent man: like something from a dream, one that constantly filled Blaine’s head and astounded him daily. Blaine recalled the insecure, emotional young teenager who had walked into his life and stolen his heart. He had completed Blaine: made Blaine feel like he was a real man, after the bitter taunts about his sexuality in the past. Blaine needed the love and support Kurt had brought him, he knew he was more than capable of achieving anything when Kurt was with him. What he knew he wanted now was to hold Kurt, to kiss every part of his body, to caress him, to connect with him, to fill him completely, to see his face and hear his responses to Blaine’s touches, and receive the same in return. What he really needed to do, he knew, was to talk to Kurt, to break through the barrier, to someone take that leap, and commit again. He had to phone Kurt and return those calls from last night.

Kurt sat on his bed in his apartment, as he woke early to go help Isabelle. He was in an awful mood and had barely slept: the memory came back of the night before, Blaine’s kiss and then sudden departure. Kurt tried to understand the situation: there was nothing he wanted more than to feel Blaine’s lips on his, for Blaine to kiss him again, for Blaine to touch him, and stroke him back. He wanted to be alone with Blaine again: for their mouths to explore each other’s bodies again, to have Blaine’s perfect body on top of his, taking him, enveloping him, and to give the same back in return. He recalled their sex life together: it had been a big part of their relationship, but not just in the physical sense either. Yes, they’d had tremendous fun as teenage boys, first discovering each other, the pleasure of being alone, together, naked, just holding, kissing, licking, thrusting. It wasn’t just sex. It was Blaine: he had awakened every passion in him. He longed still for Blaine’s touches, teasing kisses, the tender whispers, gentle moans. He loved how Blaine could totally control him, own him, fill him: his tongue, his fingers, his cock, and being able to do those things in return. Blaine had often spoken of it as mind, body and soul: and it was like that, yes, yes, no one would ever make Kurt that complete again. There was no denying he wanted Blaine now, back in his life, back in his bed, back in his body and his soul. Was it the right thing though – was it what Blaine wanted? They’d hurt each other badly before, no wonder Blaine would feel hesitant. Kurt looked at his phone: he knew he had to call Blaine again. He couldn’t wait for him to call. 

Kurt was in the bathroom, getting ready for work, when his phone rang. It was Blaine. 

“Kurt, I’m so sorry.”

“What bit are you sorry for?”

“Well, all of it. For kissing you, when you probably didn’t want me to. For walking away when I did kiss you. For not answering your calls. I’m not sure: all three probably. Well no, I’m not sorry I kissed you, except if you didn’t…” Blaine was babbling.

“I see.”

“You’re mad at me, I can tell by your voice. I know I was a jerk. I was hoping though you’d forgive me, and still want to see me, and if not, well…”

“It’s fine, Blaine. I didn’t mind the kiss. I did mind you walked off and didn’t answer or return calls. I was worried about you, and that you were safe.”

“Yes, I’m sorry, I was confused. I’m mad at myself.”

“Well ok, please don’t act like that again, I have no desire to be left standing alone. Now, I have to get to work, are you going to call me later to arrange what we’re singing on Friday night”  
“Oh, you still want to go?”

Kurt could hear the brightness in Blaine’s voice. 

“Yes of course. I wouldn’t miss it. Now get that list together, and I’ll call you this evening.”

“Deal…”

Both men instantly felt better – they both knew they hadn’t dealt with the issue in hand, but they would be together that week, and that was good enough for now.

Friday 17 November 2017.

Kurt arranged to meet Blaine at his apartment and they would travel to the dinner together. Blaine’s apartment was in the posher Upper East Side, near Central Park. It was in a red stone building, a top floor studio apartment. It was simple and compact, with just one wide-open space. There was a green couch, with cream throw, and brightly colored cushions, with dark brown oak coffee table; there was a long kitchen area, with table and chairs for two people. In the corner of the apartment was a large bed, with black and cream bedding, and another black and purple throw over the bed. Kurt could see a small bathroom area, and a small closet, from which was spilling out many of Blaine’s colourful shirts, polo shirts and pants. There were two large bay windows, with cream drapes, and standing beside the windows was Blaine’s pride and joy, his grand piano that his parents had bought him for his eighteenth birthday. Blaine’s guitar and other smaller instruments, as well as a large pile of musical books and scores lay on top, or to the side. Blaine himself stood near it, with glass of sparkling wine in his hand. He offered a glass to Kurt, who took it.

“So I think we’re almost ready to go, we know our various songs that we can sing – are you happy enough with the choices?”

Kurt agreed, unable to take his eyes off Blaine. He wore a Brooks Brothers tuxedo: navy check jacket, with black pants, completed by white shirt and navy bow tie. His hair was styled, and lightly waxed but his raven curls still fell down towards his bright hazel eyes; he chose not to wear his glasses, and was freshly shaven. Kurt could smell his cologne, his styling wax: he breathed in deeply, struggling to keep his emotions in check, and not reach out and kiss him. Kurt himself was dressed in a DSquared2 black tuxedo, white shirt, and slim line navy tie. He wore a small heart brooch on the lapel of the tuxedo. His hair was immaculate. Blaine gasped when Kurt approached, unable to take his eyes off the stunning young man. Both men complimented each other on their choice of suits.

They headed off in a taxi, to a hotel not far from Blaine’s apartment, where the reunion was taking place, entered the foyer together and found the relevant room. Many old friends greeted them: Wes, David, Nick, Jeff, Thad and Trent were all there: and delighted to see Kurt and Blaine, and began swapping stories of what they’d all been doing in recent years. In addition, there was a handful of older former Warblers, and some younger. The group picked a table, Kurt sitting beside Blaine, they were all thrilled that both he and Kurt were at the reunion. They were chatting with both about New York, and life since leaving Ohio. Dinner was delicious, the three course meal of warm mini pancakes with finest smoked salmon; followed by chicken, with roast potatoes, and a choice of vegetables. There was even mini cupcakes for afterwards, much to Kurt’s pleasure. The wine flowed freely, though Kurt noted that Blaine only had a few glasses: he also was not over indulging, though most of their friends were happily imbibing, recanting stories of the good old days at Dalton. Blaine sat squirming at some of their old tales of his shenanigans, joining in with the matter and laughter. He sat attentively beside Kurt and fended off questions about whether they were a couple again. 

The singing and performances began. Some of the others kicked off the songs: including Nick and Jeff giving a raucous performance of Switchfoot’s “Your Love is a Song” – not a song that Kurt knew, but he appreciated the sentiment:

“Your love is a melody, underneath me, running to me.”

When it was his turn with Blaine, they sang their way through a number of flirty 80’s duets – all Blaine’s choices of course. Some Rick Astley, some George Michael, some Prince. They had all been safe choices: not what Blaine would have defined as “emotional”. Kurt could honestly say it was the best night he’d had in a long time. He was overwhelmed by how close Blaine was: he really needed to speak to him, but probably not tonight. Kurt needed to be completely sober to say what he had to say. After their performance, they were greeted by the loud applause and support of the other Warblers. Kurt turned to Blaine, about to speak, but then heard Trent’s rather perturbed voice.

“Look who I met in the foyer!” His face set in a kind of grimace. They turned round:

Sebastian Smythe.

Kurt’s face fell, sizing up Sebastian: he was looking older, less boyish, but still with the small narrow eyes, and thin lipped grin. Sebastian shook hands with their friends, then saw Blaine and his whole demeanour changed: he was obviously thrilled to see him. He hugged him and exchanged greetings, then he caught Kurt’s eye.

“Well, if it isn’t Kurt Hummel. How are you? How did you manage to get in here? You weren’t really a Warbler, were you? I wouldn’t have thought your high pitched voice would have suited the team.”

“Sebastian, you haven’t changed!” Kurt extended his hand, in politeness, blood seething under his skin.

Blaine had understood the situation, and diverted Sebastian’s attention elsewhere. He caught Kurt’s eye, saw Kurt turn and motion that he was going to the lavatories. Kurt walked out towards the foyer, but actually asked one of the staff about a roof terrace that was above the room they were in, and could he go out for some air. He went up the steps, then out onto the terrace, taking in the lights of New York below, and breathing deeply. The night had been perfect so far, until now.

After about ten minutes alone, he heard footsteps. He turned, expecting it to be one of the others, but instead Sebastian approached him.

“So Hummel, you’re hiding out here. I hear you’re here with Blaine tonight: I thought you had dumped him years ago, when the going got tough. I was confused: I thought he’d run back to Mummy in Lima, and to the arms of fat Dave. What happened? You must have been mad, pushing him into that. Was Dave able to satisfy him sexually in a way that you couldn’t?”

Kurt’s mouth dropped, for a moment he could not believe the venom:

“Oh the criminal chipmunk returns, did they let you out of your cage tonight?”

Sebastian laughed malevolently: “Come on, Hummel, you can do better than that, you were Queen of snark back at McKInley.”

“What have I ever done to you, Sebastian, to make you hate me so much?

Sebastian stepped closer, so he was looking directly into Kurt’s face, squaring up.

“Actually, it’s what you didn’t do. You should have given Blaine up back at McKinley: he was too good for you. Your dad owns some sort of garage – how common is that? Blaine was always just one class above you – a true Dalton boy. And he is special, how he performs, how charming he is, how sexy he is – he must have any man dropping at his feet.

“Including you, Sebastian? Isn’t that what this is about? You knew you could never have him, Blaine never looked twice at you. And you nearly blinded him, and…”

“Kurt, there are many things you don’t understand about my relationship with Blaine.”

“What relationship? It’s all in your head – you’d love to be Blaine’s booty boy, but his standards are so much higher than you.”

“What like Karofsky you mean, or you – god you two are complete opposites, how’s that? One fat and loud mouthed, the other pale, skinny and prissy.”

“Why don’t you fuck off Sebastian, and leave me alone? Tonight was amazing until you turned up.”

“Oh yes, I know you’re snivelling back around Blaine again – not happy with shattering him once, are you going to do the same again, you cold hearted bitch?”

“FUCK OFF HOME – AND LEAVE ME ALONE.”

“You heard him, Sebastian, fuck off and leave us all alone”: they hadn’t heard Blaine, and Wes come up the stairs. Kurt caught Blaine’s eye, he didn’t know how much he’d heard, but Blaine clearly was in no mood now to deal with Sebastian. Kurt turned and ran down the stairs. Blaine looked at Wes, motioned towards Sebastian, and Wes understood the sign – can you deal with Sebastian, I’ll go to Kurt. Blaine ran off.

He found Kurt grabbing his coat from the cloakroom. “Wait Kurt, stay, don’t go. Just ignore him, he’s a bastard, but don’t let him see you upset.”

Kurt was shaking, on the verge of tears, but more in anger than upset. “I’m not going to let him ruin tonight. I’m not going to let him see how much he has upset me again. I just need to go, I need air”

“Well if you do want to go, I’ll come too. You’ve faced worse before Kurt, you can still go back in there and everyone will support you, especially me. You can show that bastard that he’s not going to get this one over on you.”

“Did you hear what he said?”

“Some of it, yes. It doesn’t matter. He’s not going to treat you like this, not while I’m here.”

“Thank you, Blaine, I really appreciate this. Right now, I just want to go home. It’s been lovely, but I don’t want to stay anymore.”

“Right then, I’ll come with you, we’ll get a taxi to yours, or to mine, if you prefer as it’s closer?”

“Please just take me back to mine… I have two rooms, you can stay in the spare room.”

“Ok, deal. Let’s just say goodbye.”

They went back in, where most of the other guys had heard what had happened: Wes and Sebastian were nowhere to be seen. Blaine and Kurt said their goodbyes, Blaine promised to update them all the next day. He hailed a taxi outside the hotel. On the way home in the taxi, Kurt was very quiet, staring out the window, still visibly shaken and upset. Blaine took his hand and stroked it gently. The taxi sped towards Kurt’s apartment, and drove across the Brooklyn Bridge, which the two of them had admired the weekend before. Blaine held the door of the taxi open for Kurt, they went upstairs to his apartment, and Kurt unlocked the door, fumbling with his keys.

He entered the living room area, putting his overcoat on the stand, and throwing himself down on the couch. Blaine followed him in, taking off his overcoat. He sat on a chair opposite the couch, but then stood up to bring Kurt some water and some headache tablets. “Do you need these?”

Kurt was grateful. He placed the cushion over his face, and started to cry. Blaine moved to sit beside him on the couch, looking down at him, with obvious concern in his hazel eyes. He let Kurt cry for a few moments.

“What can I do, Kurt, to make it better? Is there anything I can say or do that will ease things for you. Do you want to confront Sebastian tomorrow about it? Or how do you want me to deal with it. I would say the best thing is to ignore him, you know what he says doesn’t mean anything. It never has.”

“I know, I know,” Kurt sobbed, “but he was just so horrible to me… I know I’ve made mistakes, I know I’ve treated you badly, he said you are too good for me.”

“Hold on one moment, Kurt – you know that is rubbish. You know you are so much better than me at everything, you know you are just so special and gorgeous, and clever and…”  
Blaine broke off. “It really doesn’t matter what he thinks. It should never bother you and me what he thinks.” Blaine reached down, and touched Kurt’s hair; he was stroking his head and face gently. “You know he never mattered to me, I never wanted his attention, I only ever wanted you. It was you I always loved.” He carried on stroking Kurt’s face.

Kurt watched him intently, his blue eyes turning green with the tears, catching Blaine’s darkening hazel eyes. Blaine kept talking softly: “Anyway it’s been a lovely night, we had such fun with the other guys, and with each other. The music and singing was fun…. We rocked.” Blaine smiled sweetly at Kurt, trying to raise his mood.

Kurt smiled, sitting up: “Thank you Blaine, I’m sorry this has ruined the night”

”It hasn’t, we had fun.” Blaine looked at Kurt, whose face had moved closer to his. Blaine caught himself staring at Kurt’s lips once more. Then slowly, he took a deep breath, and leaned in to kiss him, taking his face in his hands.

The kiss was slow, sensuous, tender. Kurt welcomed it, and deepened the kiss, opening his mouth to allow Blaine to slip his tongue along his bottom lip, and into his mouth. Kurt closed his eyes and tried to relax. 

Meanwhile, Blaine had started to kiss Kurt’s face, along his jawline, down his neck: he pulled at Kurt’s tie, reached to open Kurt’s top bottom, so he had easier access to Kurt’s neck. He kissed towards the very tender part of Kurt’s neck – the very spot that always drove Kurt wild and malleable. He opened a few more of Kurt’s shirt buttons, and pushed him back on the couch. He moved so that he lay along Kurt’s side: he could feel his own erection in his pants, and hesitantly pressed against Kurt’s leg. He wasn’t sure this was the right thing to be doing, but his body was looking for Kurt, needing Kurt, wanting to make things better for them both.

Suddenly, Kurt sat up. “No, no, not like this Blaine”

“What?” Blaine’s brain was in a kind of haze, blown away by the scent of Kurt’s skin, and the feel of his body so close, so soft, so kissable.

“It’s not the right time for this. I’m not in the mood to have you fondling me.”

Blane was totally shocked – had he misread the signs, yes, he could see Sebastian had really upset Kurt, but Kurt had seemed to want Blaine to comfort him, to hold him, and kiss him. Kurt had returned the kiss after all. What the fuck was happening?

“What are you on about Kurt – I thought you wanted me to kiss you,” Blaine scrunched up his nose in disbelief, half laughing. Surely Kurt was joking – right? 

“I said it’s not the right time. I’m not ready…. I’m not sure what I want… I’m upset, and you can’t see that.”

“Fine,” Blaine said, a little agitated. 

“We can’t just rush this, you can’t just come and kiss me and touch me, and we haven’t even worked out where we are yet…”

“Ok fine, I understand”.

Blaine pulled away, stood up, hands on hip. “I thought that’s what you wanted – sorry, if I’ve misread the signs”

“I wasn’t giving you any signs. ‘I’m just upset”

“But… I thought… but” Blaine motioned towards the door, towards Kurt, one hand on hip, one hand now holding his forehead in utter confusion. “Ok, I see. Well let me know if, and when the time suits you”. He turned quickly, grabbed his coat, and marched out the door. 

Kurt stared after him in disbelief, his mouth open, his eyes staring wildly. What had just happened? What the hell? He’d pushed Blaine away, he’d only been trying to make him feel better. He was confused. What the hell did he want? It was this, wasn’t it?

Shit!

Shit!

SHIT!


	7. The Glory of Love

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> So they had a bit of a rough night, with the Criminal Chipmunk turning up - he's not going to spoil things, is he?

Friday 17 November 2017

Blaine ran angrily from Kurt’s apartment. He stepped out into the cold night air. Then he stopped. This really wasn’t the way he’d wanted tonight to end. He realised he did need to talk to Kurt, in a mature sensible way. He’d misjudged a delicate situation, and instead of stepping back, he’d rushed on in, was kissing Kurt and wanting more. How stupid was he? After all, he knew about Kurt’s past experience of unwanted advances. With Dave. He had heard what Sebastian had said to Kurt about him and Dave. It had hurt Kurt and Blaine knew that. He thought for a second, and then realised that he really needed to get a grip on the situation, for Kurt’s sake.

He turned around, and sprinted back up the stairs to Kurt’s apartment, banging on the door. Kurt came to the door and answered it. He slowly opened the door, and Blaine could see the upset in Kurt’s eyes: the confused look on this face. 

“I’m so sorry,” Blaine stuttered. “I’m an ass, and so stupid, and so….”

Kurt stepped aside to let Blaine in. 

“I’m sorry,” Blaine repeated.

“It’s ok”, Kurt hesitantly answered, looking directly into Blaine’s pained eyes. 

“We really need to talk, but I know, it’s not the right time for it, because of Sebastian, but I just want to make you aware…” Blaine hesitated. “That I love you, Kurt, I really do, so much. And I’d really like to be with you again, but I don’t know what you want. And I’m laying my heart on the line here, and I could so easily be hurt again, but I can’t do anything about it. I’m so deeply in love with you, I want it all again.” Blaine stood shaking his head.

“Blaine, you are right, we do need to talk about this.” Kurt motioned towards the sofa, and they sat. “But not tonight, please. I’m so tired now. I just want to sleep. It’s such a big thing to talk about, can’t it wait until morning?”

“I guess…”

“Well then, please stay, like we agreed. The spare room is made up. We can have breakfast in the morning, and just talk. Are you free?

“Yes. I am.”

“What happened to that other guy David, that you were seeing?”

“Well, he’s in New Jersey. I sked him not to come and see me anymore. I don’t want to be with him.”

“Oh, I thought you were.”

“No, how can I be…?” Blaine lifted his eyes to Kurt’s, shrugged his shoulders, and raised his eyebrows. “You can’t be with someone, when you still love someone else.”

Kurt could only nod in response. He turned towards his bedroom. “I have spare everything: pjs, toothbrush, towel, what else will you need?” He brought the things and gave them to Blaine. 

Blaine took them, and they went into their separate bedrooms. Both lay awake for a long time, thinking over the night’s events. They both knew what they wanted, needed, but had to tread carefully with the other’s feelings.

Saturday 18 November 2017

It was weird waking up knowing that the other was so close in the next room. Kurt got up first, headed for the bathroom, freshened up, then headed for the kitchen. Blaine came out just after, also headed for the bathroom, and then joined Kurt in the kitchen. Blaine asked Kurt how he was, and he confirmed that he was fine, and that he would continue to be, and they exchanged pleasantries about the sunny morning, and how much they had enjoyed the dinner, well until…they agreed to postpone their chat until after breakfast. Kurt had toasted bagels, and made coffee. He sat in his robe, and gave an old one to Blaine, who only had his tuxedo with him.

They took their coffees to the couch. Kurt sat his coffee down and turned to Blaine.

“So it’s only two and a half weeks since we met up in the subway, and here I am making major life changing decisions, and you know that I like to be in control of what I do, and when. So once again, Blaine Anderson, you coming into my life has blown me away and made me question everything. You know I acted on impulse when we had that row that time in the bistro, and we split, and that deep down, I never wanted it to happen. So, after I saw you at Santana’s wedding, I decided I needed to get my life back, and I went to therapy. It’s taught me a lot about myself, and helped me grow up and see what I want for me, for my life and future. My therapist and I worked through ways I could deal with me not being with you, because that was the main gap in my life. I had all these coping mechanisms, but deep down, I just wanted you back, and as the years went on, that never changed. Then you walked back into my life, in that subway, and I just couldn’t resist calling you, and seeing you, and being with you again. I loved you so much, I do still love you so much, and I just can’t see me ever wanting anyone that way again. We are great together: we have this special bond, and we love the same things, and I just know what you’re thinking and you’re going to say. And I just think: what would Blaine say or do, I know that sounds desperate, but I do.” He paused for breath. He looked at Blaine, who just sat watching his face, listening intently to every word, barely breathing, gulping, mesmerised.

Blaine cleared his throat: “Kurt… I don’t know where to start. A lot what you say makes sense. We hurt each other badly in the past. Yes, I was a mess, and my therapist helped me, but everything we discussed has been a bit blown away. I know where I am: I know I can live without you, I can go on with my life if you choose to walk away again. But I don’t want to. I want to be with you again too. I love you so much too Kurt, I always have and always will. You know I’m an old sentimentalist and talk about soul mates, but I’ve never had the same feelings with anyone that I had with you, and replacing you would just be like filling a void. I’ve been incomplete without you. Have you heard any of the songs, I’ve written – no, because they’re all about you. I want to be with you again, I’ll take the difficulties and the petty arguments, if it means I get to spend every single day of my life with you. Blaine stopped, becoming quite emotional, tears welling up.

“And so?” Kurt whispered quietly.

“And so, we decide, do we choose to be together again?”

“It won’t always be easy, we will have difficulties and arguments again: but it won’t ruin us this time? I want to be with you again. 

“And if we decide no?” Blaine shook his head, the tears starting to fall.

“That’s not an option, is it Blaine?”

“Not to me”

“Nor me”

“Well then, let’s do it.”

Blaine lifted his head, and looked directly at Kurt again. “And we put the past heartache behind us, and move on, and give this everything. I’m due back in LA in February for four months – we’ll decide closer to the time what we do about that. Then we decide if I move back to New York, or you can join me in LA, or we can be anywhere, as long as we are together. Deal?”  
“Deal. We decide today to be together, and we work on that from here on in.” They held each other’s hands so tightly.

“Right now, I really want to kiss you again.”

“Right now, that’s what I want you to do.” 

They shut the distance between them, and at same time lent in, kissing each other with every passion. Blaine shut his eyes, pulled Kurt’s face closer with his hands and kissed him deeply. Kurt let his tongue wander, find Blaine’s lips, found Blaine open his mouth for him, and they kissed what felt like a ceaseless kiss, exploring each other’s mouths, and smiling and laughing through the kiss. From there, their kiss developed into an intense cuddle, as they pulled each other closer, and held on tightly to each other, arms around each other’s neck, foreheads touching. They broke apart briefly, and then continued to cuddle and kiss more. 

“I am so happy, we’re really gonna do this again.” Kurt whispered. Blaine smiled tenderly. “It’s just I can’t get out of my head how much I want you again, you know physically, but we need to be sensible, and not rush things, and get carried away. We need to think we are back at the start and falling in love all over again. Sex can wait.”

Blaine looked slightly alarmed: “Are we talking about what I think we are? Cos, I wasn’t sure, when you said let’s go back to the start, I was thinking like Dalton level. Or can we go back to like West Side story level?”

Kurt laughed heartily: “You absolute dork. Well, we can go back to West Side story level. I don’t think I can wait another six months…”

Blaine laughed too. “That’s a relief.”

Kurt pulled slightly back from Blaine: “But you must promise me one thing? That it won’t hurt as much as the West Side story days.”

Blaine chortled then. He moved closer to Kurt and took him in his arms. “I’ll do all I can to ensure that it doesn’t.”, he jested. 

They kissed again. Kurt raised his arms around Blaine’s neck, Blaine put his hands on Kurt’s side moving them slowly up and down the outside of his shirt. He let his hands slip inside of the shirt, touching Kurt’s skin, pressing with his fingers. 

“I know you said let’s wait, but I really want you now, Kurt.”

“Sod that, I really want you now too Blaine.”

Blaine stood up and held his hand out: “Shall we then? I don’t believe you’ve shown me your bedroom, good sir”

Kurt sniggered: “No I don’t believe I have”.

They moved to Kurt’s bed, discarding their robes, as they lay down beside each other again. Blaine ran the back of his hand down Kurt’s side, then touching his entire torso, then moved towards him to follow his hand with his lips, kissing Kurt’s chest, and playing with his nipples with his tongue. “I’d forgotten how amazingly gorgeous you are”. Then he moved his mouth and his tongue up Kurt’s lips once more, along his face, down his jawline, around his neck, into the sensitive part of Kurt’s neck, kissing, licking nibbling, and down his torso once more. He reached the edge of Kurt’s boxer shorts, stopped, looked up at Kurt with darkened eyes, and whispered, “May I?”

“You know you don’t need to ask, Blaine”, Kurt replied breathlessly, his every nerve feeling the sensitivity from Blaine’s kiss and tongue, glancing down as Blaine removed Kurt’s boxer shorts, as well as his own. Kurt inhaled, he could smell Blaine so close now, he could see his beautiful bronze body, perfect in every way, and he wanted nothing more than to be with him. 

Blaine moved his mouth towards Kurt’s thighs, and groin, and kissed and licked, and then teasingly moved his mouth over Kurt’s cock, hard and pulsing, as Kurt gasped. He placed his hands in Blaine’s curly hair, and ran his fingers through them, as Blaine moved his tongue up and down, kissing, licking, sucking tenderly. He wrapped his hand around Kurt’s cock, and gently tugged at it, moving rhythmically with his mouth.

“Oh god Blaine, that’s so good, so amazing, not going to last..”

“This way? Or can you wait? “ Blaine tenderly whispered to him. “I have other plans?”

Kurt just sighed, “I’m yours, do what you will”.

Blaine smiled, as he whispered once more – “In the nightstand?”

“Yes”

Blaine broke away from Kurt’s body, and reached into the nightstand drawer. He lifted out the bottle of lube, and a condom. He applied the lube to his fingers, and moved his hand towards Kurt’s entrance, where he softly at first applied the pressure of his fingers, one at a time, searching for the sensitive spot. Kurt squirmed and groaned with pleasure under the pressure of Blaine’s fingers. “Oh so wonderful Blaine, I forgot how good you are, oh, oh, don’t stop….”

“Well, I won’t, unless…”, Blaine breathed heavily. 

“Yes.” Kurt could barely breathe the word out. “I want you to.”

Blaine pulled away once more, fitted the condom, applied more lube, and then began gently to position himself above Kurt, and push slowly into his entrance. He waited for Kurt’s reaction, who gasped, and then said weakly: “yes, now”. Blaine began to thrust, slowly at first, working up his speed, as he let his body be overtaken by the sensation of being with Kurt again, of Kurt letting him do this to him again, of wanting to always do this with Kurt again. He closed his eyes, lifted his head back, thrust harder and enjoyed listening to Kurt’s muffled reaction. “I love you so much Kurt,” Blaine whispered through his teeth. 

“Oh Blaine, I love you too, I need you, I want you, oh Blaine...” Kurt started to babble, and Blaine just smiled as he thrust more, he knew Kurt was so close now. In a matter of moments, Blaine couldn’t tell who had actually reached their peak first: he was aware of Kurt coming under him, spurts of cum all over both of them; and then Blaine felt his own orgasm hit him hard: the hardest he had felt in years. 

Afterwards, Blaine lay with his head on Kurt’s chest, listening to his heart beating. Kurt ran his fingers down Blaine’s back, hot and sweaty, but somehow glowing in the shadows of the morning sunshine. Blaine kissed Kurt tenderly on his face, whispering softly to him.

They fell asleep for another hour, both feeling safe and loved again.

When they awoke, they showered, tenderly washing each other’s hair, and body, chattering softly to each other as they did so.

They emerged from the bathroom. Kurt made them lunch and they sat together eating hungrily, wrapped only in towels. Kurt turned the radio on, which was playing chart hits from the 1980’s. An old song, “the Glory of Love” was playing. 

“Man, I love this song, it’s so cheesy, but I do love a bit of 80’s cheesy pop.” Blaine laughed. He started singing along, “

I am a man who will fight for your honor  
I'll be the hero you're dreaming of  
We'll live forever  
Knowing together that we  
Did it all for the glory of love  
You'll keep me standing tall  
You'll help me through it all  
I'm always strong when you're beside me  
I have always needed you  
I could never make it alone  
I am a man who will fight for your honor  
I'll be the hero you've been dreaming of  
We'll live forever  
Knowing together that we  
Did it all for the glory of love”

“This is perfect for today, you know Kurt. I love a good love song, I can always think of you.”

“You always know how to make me laugh, even if it is cheesy”.

They continued singing together. 

“It’s just only about midday, we have the whole afternoon ahead of us, what shall we do?” Kurt asked. 

“Oh I don’t know” Blaine said grinning, “How about round two?”

Kurt just laughed, as Blaine pulled him into his arms once more. They made it back to the bed, pulling at each other’s towels, kissing and laughing as they fell beside each other on the bed.

“Right then, it’s my turn,” Kurt joked. He pushed Blaine back on the bed, and climbed on top of him, settling on his waist. “Did I tell you how sexy you are…how handsome… how irresistible … how special…” between each phrase moving his kisses down Blaine’s body, as Blaine spread his legs and let him lie between them. Kurt continued to kiss him, all over his face, neck, chest, rubbing his hands through the hairs on his chest, and stomach, down towards the top of his boxer shorts, and the hair visible there. Kurt rubbed his hands all over Blaine’s body, softly at first, then massaging, and more firmly, letting Blaine moan with the pressure applied. He moved towards Blaine’s cock, removing the boxer shorts, and moved his hand up and down, as Blaine raised his head back and groaned in pleasure. Gradually, Kurt moved his mouth down, and slowly and gently sucked at Blaine’s cock, then picking up the speed and loving Blaine’s reaction. He pulled off, and then reached for the lube, applied some on his fingers, and tenderly pressed his fingers into Blaine, opening him, watching him wait expectantly as Kurt moved above him, positioning himself. Then he hesitated, smirked, and whispered to Blaine to turn round. Blaine just laughed, obediently turned, and crouched, falling into the mattress, as he couldn’t continue to support his arms, as Kurt leaned onto him.

“Let’s have some more fun!” Kurt whispered in his ear.

“Mmmm” was all that Blaine could respond, as Kurt pushed into him, and he let himself be taken over by the feeling of having Kurt inside him again, a feeling he thought would never happen. Kurt teased and played with Blaine, pulling in and out leaving Blaine gasping and wanting more, until Kurt himself could take no more, and needed to build up a continuous burst of thrusting, as he worked both of them towards orgasm, coming hard together, both calling out each other’s names, as they collapsed in a heap. 

Afterwards, Kurt began to clear up the mess between them, discarding the condom, and cleaning the two of them, before lying down between Blaine’s legs, and wrapping his arms around Blaine’s waist.

“Will the thrill of this ever stop?” Blaine asked tenderly. 

“Will the thrill of knowing you, being with you, sharing everything with you again? I hope that will never stop. I’m not going to screw this up again. If we ever argue again, and I tell you it’s over, you can laugh in my face, and just remind me that that will never be. Life will never be the same, without you in it, Blaine. I mean that with all my heart. I broke promises before, but I know in my heart and in my head, I’d never say those promises again to anyone.”

“I love you Kurt, more than you could ever know. I made stupid mistakes when we were just boys. Now we are grown, I am yours, and you are mine, and no stupid row, or stupid silence between us will ever take that away. Yes, we’ll have arguments, but just know in your soul, that I am yours completely. And nothing will change that. 

They kissed again, and held their hands up, joined together. As if today had been their very first time, like the two teenagers in love back in Ohio, 2011. There was no way they were letting go this time.


	8. Love on top  -Epilogue

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> So this is the epilogue of my first main story. I hope you like it, I already see things I wish to change - but onwards and upwards! I'm glad I could make it happy for Valentines' Day.

Epilogue - November 2018 New York 

“So, do you really feel we rushed it?

“What - having sex again so soon after meeting up again?”

“Yeah. Like should we have held out longer?”

“Honey, you know that there was no way either of us were going to hold out very long.”

Kurt and Blaine lay in each other’s arms, relaxing on a Sunday morning. They’d had a pleasant morning with mutual blow jobs, and were both completely sated for now.  
It was November 2018, exactly a year after they re-met on the subway in New York, and eight years after their first meeting on the stairs at Dalton. Kurt was now 25 years old, and Blaine was 24 years old. November was their anniversary month.

They rarely talked about their three and a half year separation now. They had been through counselling together, and dealt with many of the issues, which had still hung over their relationship. It wasn’t always easy, but they were both truly happy. 

After their reunion in November 2017, they had enjoyed three more months in New York, spending Thanksgiving with Rachel and Jesse, with special guest appearances from Tina, Santana and Brittany, and Christmas with Burt and Carole in New York. All were thrilled at the reunion. They had kept their separate apartments, but divided their time together between them. Blaine had to return to LA in late February 2018, to finish the last term and a half of his degree. He graduated with first class honors in June 2018, in Music and Musical Theatre. Initially, they expected that Kurt would remain in New York, and then they’d start their long-term plans for their life together in June. However, Kurt was able to surprise Blaine in February with the news that Isabelle had agreed that he could be seconded to the LA office for four months. He was able to find someone to take over his two-day slot at the book store. 

Kurt had travelled to LA with Blaine in February 2018, both men giving up their apartments in New York. Their possessions, including Blaine’s piano were put in temporary storage. They rented an apartment in LA, and Kurt helped Blaine through the last stressful months of finals. They also got to catch up with Cooper and Mercedes, who both lived in the city, and who were in the same social network. 

In July 2018, Kurt and Blaine planned that they would spend another few years in New York, with a potential of returning to LA: depending on work commitments and success. They were both highly in demand in their chosen fields: online magazines were beginning to refer to them as Broadway’s new golden couple. They found a two-bed apartment, near Blaine’s old apartment, assisted by Blaine’s mum. The piano and other items returned from storage.

They were no longer in a rush to marry, both agreed that it would take place sometime before Kurt’s thirtieth birthday in May 2023. After that, there were plans to have children using a surrogacy, or to adopt, before they reached thirty five years old. 

When they eventually left their bed on that Sunday morning, November 2018, they walked through Central Park to the music stand. There was a band playing. Kurt stood behind Blaine, with his arms around Blaine’s waist, his head resting on Blaine’s shoulder. 

“Have I told you how happy you make me?”

“Eh, not today, I don’t think.”

“And I am so glad that we have decided that we are going to spend the rest of our life together.”

“Yes, my darling I agree.” Blaine turned to Kurt, as Kurt took his hands in his hands. 

“Can I ask you something, and you can say no if it’s a bit weird."

Blaine chuckled, “I think I’m used to your weirdness by now! I mean if this is about positions, or the latest toy, count me in!”

Kurt rolled his eyes. 

“Well I got you this – and he held out a small blue box. And I also still have this: and held out another little blue box. Inside was his engagement ring from Blaine, from the proposal at Dalton, when anyone who had ever spoken to Kurt since he turned sixteen seemed to be in the room. “So would you mind if I started to wear mine again – or is that weird. And then, can I give you this?" He held out the box.

“Kurt….” Blaine’s face broke into a beam.

“It’s not a proposal, per se, as you already asked me, and I agreed a long time ago, but I want to wear that ring again. And this ring is actually a promise ring,” Kurt said shyly. “ Do you like it, I know it will fit your finger.”

Blaine, visibly touched, opened the box. Inside was a ring made of platinum. “Look closely!” Kurt whispered. Inside Blaine could make out a tiny engraving. Blaine read it out: “Kurt 27/5/93, with all my love.” Blaine looked up into Kurt’s eyes.

“It’s a ring my dad gave my mum when she had me, that’s why it’s got my birth date on it. Will you wear it?”

“Oh my God Kurt, I’ll be so honoured.” Blaine could feel the tears starting to stream down his face. “This means the absolute world to me.”

“I’m glad you like it, I spoke to my dad, I said I wanted to get you a ring, and he suggested this one, and he gave it to me last time he was in New York in September. He said wait until the moment feels right to give it to you. He said that he was always rooting for us to somehow work it out.” Kurt could feel his tears falling too. 

They two men threw themselves into each other’s arms. 

“I love you so much Kurt. I’m so touched by this ring. It means so much to you, and to Burt. I can get you a new ring, if you prefer.”

“No, I’m happy to wear my engagement ring, and if you let me, I’ll tell everyone we’re engaged, and you can consider that ring of my mum’s your engagement ring. We’ll tell them we’ll get married when we’re ready, keep it simple. It’s not about the day itself, it’s about the fact that we are fully committed to each other, come what may.”

“That sounds beyond wonderful.” 

They stood near the Music Pavilion in Central Park. There was a group of musicians getting ready to play. Nearby the Pavilion, there was a group of teenagers singing and dancing to a hip hop Beyoncé song. Kurt and Blaine stopped to listen, it was “Love on Top”. 

“Hey, they’re really good!” Blaine enthused.

Kurt giggled, “No rude connotations from the title then?

“Behave, Kurt” Blaine rolled his eyes in amusement, pulling him closer, and nearer to the music.

“Honey honey  
I can see the stars all the way from here  
Can't you see the glow on the window pane  
I can feel the sun whenever you're near  
Every time you touch me I just melt away  
Now everybody ask me why I'm smiling out from ear to ear  
(They say love hurts)  
But I know (it's gonna take the real work)  
Nothing's perfect but it's worth it  
After fighting through my tears and finally you put me first  
Baby it's you  
You're the one I love  
You're the one I need  
You're the only one I see  
Come on baby it's you  
You're the one that gives your all  
You're the one I can always call  
When I need to make everything stop  
Finally you put my love on top  
Ooh come on baby  
You put my love on top top top top top  
You put my love on top  
Ooh ooh  
Come on baby  
You put my love on top top top top top  
You put my love on top  
My love on top”

“the lyrics – it’s talking to us, I’ll have to adapt it as my new song for you, sing it at home”, Blaine excitedly showed his appreciation for the song.

Kurt rolled his eye one more. “You know secretly I don’t mind if you choose to sing songs to me for the rest of my days, and for ever beyond that. Into our next lifetime..”

Blaine smiled contently, “I’m so glad. I’ll always love you”

“And I will always love you too. I promise sincerely. that I will never say goodbye to you”

They hugged each other close, and kissed, as the group of teenagers finished their song, then turned to the two men, and whooped and cheered. 

Kurt and Blaine laughed, thanked the group, then walked off in the direction of their favorite coffee shop, hand in hand, enjoying their time together. They’d have more wonderful days to come, that’s for sure.


End file.
